Wow, that got wordy . . .

It's noon and I'm in bed in my p.j.s and Sparky is laying on me with a conglomeration of different chew toys. All I've done today is clean the kitchen and make us breakfast. Life is really easy for me right now. And sadly I've had a hard time adjusting to it. Even if it's great. Really great.

Within the past year I've quit two jobs. One with great potential to manage two dental practices, have great hours, and great pay. But because I disagreed with their idea of what is ethical I had to leave them both. I felt that I was between the devil and the deep blue sea - if you know what I mean.

And now I've been laid off from my most recent job at a G.I. office. My supervisor told me unabashedly that "Mary is a single mother and Jerry is in school with two kids and one on the way, plus a wife that stays at home". I also got a lot of, "You look a lot like peggy. She's Mormon too. She got pregnant and didn't want to work here at the same time. Are you pregnant?" (names have been changed). When they took me into the office to let me go they told me they had lost a lot of money that year. Which I knew to be true. A year earlier they made a good business investment but hired the wrong people to follow through with the details for them thus turning it into a very poor business investment. They said they could no longer afford to pay a biller. All of this came one day after asking them if I could start to receive my health benefits, after working there 7 months. Now, I know it's best that I'm no longer there. I had realized then that I wasn't planning on making billing my career. And yet at times I still feel upset over it. Then I'm reminded of how I was prepared mentally to leave that place and the feeling of relief that I felt when I realized I was no longer going to work there.

John suggested that I take the time to focus on dance. And I have come to realize that, although I still love dance, I'm not as passionate about it as I once was. I would dance anything before. I would love to feel the movement work through my body. And I still do. But now when I go to class it has become harder to ignore how seriously people take themselves. Choreography reeks with political agenda. Which can be good. Except it feels so fake! It's either that or taking a trip to some non-existent ethereal plane. Believe me, neither feels invigorating. I don't know if it's the choreography, the dancers, the environment, or me. Even when the choreography is about raw emotion - I don't like how they get there with the movement. Dance is truly a language and recently I haven't agreed with what the popular teachers have had to say. So my conquest of finding where I want to dance is still ongoing but currently on the backburner.

So I'm now on the job hunt. I have tried to consistently search for jobs in the financial sector or at law firms in entry level positions. But only the ones that offer huge salary packages and have a lot of competition. The reasons for this are many, a few you could probably guess yourself. The longer it takes is mostly what I'm interested in. Now I know I don't deserve a break. Child labor, 20 hour work days, poor pay has never been a problem for me. But I kind of am on break. I have tried to tell myself that I deserve a little break since I've worked consistently since I was 14. Even when I attended college full time I still worked full time and danced five days a week (at least). I tell myself that I want some time to do nothing! So that's what I'm doing. It's just getting a little old. Plus, it gets more and more uncomfortable when I tell people I am a stay-at-homer (no, I don't have kids - I'm just not working right now). Anyone want to start a charity?

But with the whole living on one salary thing I've attempted to save money by eating out less. When I go into the city I've tried taking breakfast and lunch with me. I try to cook dinner each evening. Unfortunately I have had to tell myself that this week doesn't count because I have utterly failed at my goal. I blame John. Never in my life has it been so hard to say "no" to someone. The sad part is that he doesn't even really have to convince me. In my defense though we ate all meals at home on Monday and we will eat at home tonight. Good news though, last night's food explorations came up trumps! Yes, we were triumphant, even glorious nigh unto magnanimous in our restaurant hunting, as john would say. Most places turn out to be overrated and unnecessarily expensive.

John started out with a crepe appetizer at The Film Academy Cafe while he waited for me to walk downtown. He said it was good aside from the healthy buckwheat they used for the crepe. He stated that we as a civilization have advanced enough in technology to leave behind harsh peasant foods (i.e. buckwheat) and should now focus on producing the food of the Gods (i.e. refined white flour). Nevertheless we plan on going back to try out their amazing-looking gelato.

We then walked back toward Astor place because I wanted to try some dumplings from a street vendor as my appetizer. We're a couple of fatties - "I do what I want" (yeah, I just quoted south park). BEST dumpling yet in NYC! And I've been to at least seven different dumpling places so far. The skins were soft all around but not soggy, yet crispy on the bottom where they had been fried. The meat/veggie combo was magnificent too! Which is important I've found. Most places I've come to expect some really odd meat/veggie or seafood/veggie combination. Not at A-Pou's though. Yup, just like the monkey off of Aladin.

Hilarious moment right after: John was holding the dumplings and ran to cross the street before a bus came. As I came around the bus to the other side of the street where he was I totally caught him downing the dumplings! Priceless.

We then meandered around the LES because I was more convincing this time. John and I usually dual out where we'll meander. He likes the UES and I like it on the LES. Needless to say we found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Admittedly I had wanted to try a place called the Sugar Cafe. John convinced me otherwise and we ended up at Lucien's across the street. I was hesitant at first because it looked like more than I wanted to spend. And it was. But it was totally worth it. John has now made it his goal to go there once a month to get their steak and frites. The owner was super nice and brought us two glasses of wine. Hah. That was interesting. John declined kindly in French while the entire restaurant turned to look at us. Of course, each of them had at least two empty glasses of wine. I had a beet and goat cheese salad. AMAZING. I buy this organic goat cheese at the union square farmers market and it doesn't taste nearly as good. We then ended with creme brulee and an apple tart. So good. Next time I'm going to go for the oysters and the fruit/cheese platter. Did I say how good it was? Nom. Nom. Nom.